


Hugs

by AmandineInsensible



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Swearing, Recent Character Death, small amount of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 18:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11995701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandineInsensible/pseuds/AmandineInsensible
Summary: Jun can't be trusted when he's wandering the streets alone. (It's a crap summary, I know)





	Hugs

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I wrote this 3 years ago in 2014 sometime after discovering Arashi but before I began to ship any pairings. It's really bad but I have decided to start posting some of my fics which I deem 'suitable' for public viewing because I want to be more active in the community. This was one of the first Arashi fics I had written which is why it's cringe. I also apologize for any errors, I did try to go through the story and fix some things up but I doubt its 100% correct.

Rain flooded the crowded streets of Tokyo.

Things seemed hectic during Saturday nights as people appeared and disappeared into arcades, hostess clubs, and other big attractions to enjoy their time and maybe shield away from the harsh weather.

On the other side of the busy district was an empty street, clean of traffic and pedestrians except for the average-height male that slowly walked down the sidewalk. His hands were shoved into his jacket pockets and his hood pulled far over his head to prevent the rain from damaging his hair, not that Matsumoto Jun really cared about what his hair looked like.

Jun scuffed his shoes along the asphalt, his clothes entirely drenched.

He followed his feet, letting them take him wherever, knowing they would somehow manage to end up in front of his apartment. They always did.

He payed no attention to the current time, knowing from a guess, it was between 12am and 2am. His brown eyes stared at the ground with a sad expression.

He stepped into a puddle, watching the clear surface ripple as he continued with his walk.

Jun ignored the vibrations of his phone in his front pocket, notifying that somebody was trying to reach him. He hadn't looked or responded to any messages or calls since the previous Sunday and that was only because he was meaning to turn off the text message ringtone. He didn't want to talk to anybody at the moment, not that he had been talking to anyone these past few weeks.

Who was he to talk to when his best friend had died just last month?

His band mates? They were still in mourning.

A friend? All of his had abandoned him because they were sick and tired of his attitude after said death.

A counselor? Therapist? Hell, they wouldn't do anything besides prescribe him meds to keep him 'okay'.

People passed him on the streets, giving him sympathetic looks and the occasional "Everything will be okay" pat on the shoulder. They were anything but right. Nothing was okay. Jun wasn't okay.

And he was questioning, whether he ever would be.

There was nothing the slightest bit 'okay' of his best friend dying. His friend was gone and Jun was never going to see him again. What was 'okay' about that?

He had gone to Sho's tombstone almost every day since his passing. He would sit there and stare at it for hours.

Each day he got there, the grave would be decorated with more flowers and notes, presumably from his fans.

He couldn't pass the day without paying a visit. He didn't know how much time he used sitting in the graveyard.

The day of Sho's funeral, Jun had stayed long after it finished and despite his band mates practically pleading for him to go home and get some rest Jun only shook his head and stared at the marble stone.

Nino had visited him a few days ago at his apartment, dragging Jun out of bed and even having to change his clothes for him like he was a child. He had been living in the same gray T-shirt, blue hoodie and sweatpants for days.

Nino forced him to take a shower and when he went to check on him just ten minutes later, he was sitting on the floor of the bath, curling himself up into a ball.

Jun had hoped the water would hide his face but Nino could easily see the fresh tears that were streaming down his face. He pulled Jun out of the shower, dried him down and dressed him in clean clothes.

With insufficient sleep, Nino saw the dark bags beneath Jun's eyes as he dried his hair and casually combed it.

"Don't blame yourself for this Jun-kun…" Nino said, breaking the silence as he brushed Jun’s hair. "None of this is your fault. The only person at fault is the driver, don't take this out on yourself."

Jun was completely mute. Nino kept saying positive things to cheer him up but all that entered Jun's mind was negativity after negativity.

The rain picked up and it was beginning to hail. Jun simply pulled his hoodie further over his face to hide himself from whatever it was he didn't want to run into.

Fans, his friends, just people in general.

Like Nino had said, this wasn't Jun's fault, it was the drunk drivers. But then again. If jun hadn't caused a fight with Sho, and kicked him out of his apartment then maybe he would still be alive.

Maybe they'd be hanging out like always, watching movies at the theater and working on projects for the band. Just things that Jun and Sho always did together.

But now, they would no longer do that.

Jun would walk past their favorite shops without a simple glance, would always assume that all the recent movies showing at the cinema would be crap, and barely contributed to the group work for his band.

He had been notified that Arashi was going on a short hiatus until they knew what to do. Their variety shows, VSArashi and Arashi Ni shiyagare had been paused and replaced by other shows.

Their upcoming concerts had been canceled and the band postponed all their interviews and photo shoots.

Jun had meant to be on the cover of ANAN that was released last Monday, but instead his manager had deemed him 'unstable' and Jun was sent a copy of the issue with Hey! Say! JUMPS member, Takaki Yuya on the front.

Jun had thrown the magazine in the trash.

Jun, out of all the members, had felt the most affected of Sho's death. He hadn't expected it in the slightest.

The news had broken out a week before Sho's funeral. The four members had been eagerly sitting around a table in the studio, waiting for the bands rapper to arrive but instead, when the door opened and what they thought would be a grumpy 32 year old who had gotten to work late, was instead their manager wearing a remorseful expression.

"I don’t know how to tell you guys this...but, Sakurai-san… is dead...”

Everyone stared at their manager in disbelief. Their faces growing pale and their heartbeats filled the silence.

"What?" Ohno was the first to speak. "What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry." he whispered. "It appears Sakurai-San was in a serious car accident and collided with a drunk driver on the highway around 2am this morning…"

"Don't bullshit us!" Nino exclaimed, standing up and pounding his fist on the table, making everyone jump. "We didn't hire you as our manager to pull pranks on us! Tell us where Sho-kun is!"

"I'm not lying Ninomiya-san. I wouldn't lie about this! I was informed about it by the police…"

"Jesus Christ…" Aiba whispered. "No way…"

Everyone turned to stare at Jun, assuming he had something to say like he usually did. But instead his face was deathly pale, his jaw quivering and his eyes blurred from tears.

His heart throbbed in his chest and without warning he jumped out of his chair and pushed past their manager and darted down the hall.

The three members sat there, still processing the news.

Their manager gulped. "The Sakurai family have planned his funeral for next week…"

No one said anything. They just sat there. Everybody was tearing up.

Their heads had lifted when they heard a masculine shout followed by something shattering. Aiba stood up without a word and left the room.

They didn't acknowledge his exit as he left the room to find Jun.

Aiba entered the bathroom and saw the shattered mirror, looking to face Jun who sat in the corner, holding his bleeding and cut hand to his chest. Tears blurred Jun's vision as he cried, banging his head against the tiled walls.

Aiba grabbed a heap of toilet paper and aided to Jun, unable to stop himself from crying as well.

Jun didn't come into work those following days. He stayed at home, bedridden as he healed from a cut up hand. Not only had he broken the bathroom mirror at the studio, but he had also managed to break two of the mirrors in his own apartment.

The first time he left was house was for Sho's funeral which took place at his parents home. The second time he left was to get groceries and that didn't go well as fans crowded him invaded his personal space. Nino was usually the one to come around uninvited and do his groceries for him, sometimes it was Ohno. He didn't really pay attention. He was hardly facing reality anymore.

Jun stopped for a moment beneath a streetlamp and stared up Into the dark sky. The crescent moon hidden behind Gray clouds as rain fell on his face. His body was empty, his mind was absent. He had closed himself to the world and only wanted to disappear. He wanted Sho.

He rolled his eyes and looked a little agitated.

"Is it really necessary to follow me?" He shot out as he turned around to face his stalker, he knew this whole time he was being followed and he knew exactly who had been following him.

A light brunette male stepped from the darkness that concealed him beneath a store roof. His face shone beneath a streetlamp and Jun looked at him expecting an answer.

Aiba.

"I couldn't exactly let you wander alone at night…" He responded, pinching his coat collar tight to keep out the rain. Jun scoffed and turned to keep walking.

Aiba caught up with his pace.

"And why is that Aiba-san?" Jun questioned, taking Aiba a little back from the usage of his surname.

"Because who knows what could happen to you,"

Jun looked at him "what could happen?" He was dragging Aiba on, and he knew it. Aiba sighed. "You could end up lost, hurt, ambushed… You might do something immature."

That was exactly like Aiba to assume the worst, to think Jun would do something as low as to purposely put himself in danger.

“As much as the thought comes across, I assure you I would never do something as drastic as to hurt myself.”

"It doesn't matter whether you would or wouldn't Matsujun, it's the fact that you’ve thought about it that makes me- us, all worried,"

"Us?" Jun asked. A quizzical look on his face.

Aiba ran a hand through his hair. "The…guys… Have been worried about your mental state. Their worried you're going to do something you'll regret. And so am I Jun. Do you really think locking yourself away in isolation is going to help you? Sho wouldn't want you to be like this-"

"Don't you dare fucking bring Sho into this Masaki. Don't you dare!" Jun spat at Aiba. He looked at him bewildered. The dark haired male tried to hold back threatening tears. "Sho is dead. Sho is gone and he's never coming back okay? Don't bring him into the subject as if it's going to change anything! Nothing will change!"

"Nothing will change?" Aiba questioned. "What about Arashi? What are we going to do about that Matsujun?! This damn hiatus? What are we going to do about it? There's a fifty-fifty chance we're going to disband and even if we continue what the hell are we supposed to do with four members?! There is no Arashi without the five of us and it might as well be three members because your just as dead as Sho is-!"

A fist made contact with Aiba's face.

Jun's fist.

The brunette fell onto the asphalt with great force. His nose was bleeding and his lip was split. He could taste his own blood.

He grunted painfully as he stood up and bring his fist to Jun, throwing a harsh punch back at him.

Jun fell back and landed in a pyramid of empty boxes. His nose also bleeding and a cut near his temple as he felt liquid drool down his face. "You fucking asshole!" Jun shouted as he stood up shouting profanities at Aiba.

He regretted his actions, but it felt amazing to vent off his anger that Jun had caused.

Jun went to throw a second punch at Aiba but he grabbed his hand and when Jun tried to use his other hand to punch him, Aiba, again reflected it. Jun collapsed onto Aiba and ended up breaking down in tears.

Aiba slid to the ground, his arms wrapped around Jun holding him tightly as the younger male cried into his jacket, his body weak as he lay against Aiba.

 

"…Jun…" He whispered as a tear escaped him, Jun clutched onto him as he sobbed, Aiba kept wiping the hair away from his face as they sat there on the concrete in the empty street beneath the rain.

 

"…Jun…" Aiba repeated softly. Jun was trying not to be hysterical but he was crying more than he had these past few days. It was the first time in a long time he had been given physical attention and he hadn't realized how much he needed it. He had wanted to be hugged and kept warm by his band members, wanted them to stay with him until he fell asleep amidst his miseries. But he hated bothering people. Hated asking for stupid things like that. He was a grown man and he needed to act like it.

Aiba tightened his embrace around Jun and pulled him up to his feet.

"Let's get you home…"

Jun nodded, wiping his eyes and taking a deep breath trying to calm himself down.

Removing his coat, Aiba placed it on Jun to keep him from the cold weather. He whispered a thank you as they walked in the direction of Jun's apartment.

They stepped through the front door and Jun followed along behind as they entered the rather fancy bathroom. The brunette turned on the shower and took off Jun's coat.

Half expecting Jun to strip himself Aiba watched Jun as he stared into the smashed mirror with a hollow look.

Aiba sighed and proceeded to remove Jun's jacket, sweater and shirt, all completely soaked.

Jun stood there, not at all bothered as he had been stripped by another being numerous times, like the other day by Nino. There were other times… Sho had stripped him. Jun didn't want to remember them.

Aiba removed the rest of his clothing and stood up, helping Jun into the shower as he stood beneath the water, hot water hitting him.

Aiba placed a clean towel on the rail and got a spare change of clothes ready by the basin.

"Aiba…" Jun said, barely a whisper. Aiba, who was just about to leave turned to face Jun.

"Yeah?"

"…thank you…"

Aiba looked at him for a moment before smiling "No problem. Wash up Jun-kun!". He exited the bathroom, leaving Jun alone.

The brunette entered Jun's bedroom, his room an absolute mess, laundry tossed about and objects along with shattered glass littered the floor.

Aiba sighed.

Jun stood beneath the running water for about five minutes before he found the energy to pick up the shampoo and start washing his hair. He was crying as he did so, but he did nothing about it. He had been crying so much lately he never really noticed it anymore. Tears would just start to stream down his face and he didn't care.

He managed to wash his entire body before turning the shower off, drying himself and doing a good job at putting his own pajamas on without help. He held his towel as he left the bathroom and proceeded into his bedroom where the place had been cleaned.

The bed was made, the corner tucked out so Jun could get in, laundry was picked up, the broken glass was clean off the carpet along with the other pieces of trash he had lying around.

Aiba turned to see Jun in the doorway and smiled at him. He sat Jun on the bed, grabbed the towel and started drying his hair as gently as he could.

"I put your laundry in the washing machine," he said.

Jun noticed he was wearing a pair of his pajamas.

"-Replaced the bed sheets and cleaned up the glass. I'll go out tomorrow and buy some new mirrors to replace the one on your vanity and bathroom, okay?"

Jun nodded.

"I figured I'd stay over tonight. You're not exactly stable to be by yourself and you know that, I'm sure. I'll stay around and help you clean the house alright?"

Another nod.

"Have you been eating lately? Nino-kun told me he had gotten you grocery's and when I checked, the kitchen looked untouched."

Jun didn't respond.

"Jun…" Aiba said a little annoyed at him. "Well… Starting tomorrow I'll cook for you and you'll eat whatever I make whether you want it or not."

"And if I don't?" Jun questioned.

Aiba smiled "then I'll force feed it to you, ne?”

Jun nodded hesitantly, he knew it was a joke but he sounded serious.

He brushed Jun's hair softly until it was smooth as silk before helping Jun get into bed, tucking him in like a child.

"Jun it's okay to be sad" Aiba said. "It's okay to be in mourning for a long time… But it's not okay to blame yourself. Sho's passing was an accident okay? Please… Don't take this out on yourself, not only are you hurting the rest of us, but more importantly, Jun… You're hurting yourself."

Aiba left to clean the bathroom and attend to nightly things around Jun's apartment. Jun quietly lying in bed thinking about Aiba's words deeply.

When Aiba returned, he turned the bedroom light off and got into Jun's bed. Jun was still awake as his back faced Aiba.

"The bathrooms clean." He told Jun, not expecting an answer but instead was asked something that he thought he would never hear Jun request.

"Aiba…can… can you hold me?"

He went quiet for a moment before smiling and moving closer to Jun, placing an arm around his waist and pulling him closer, his face nuzzled into his hair.

"Like that?" He felt Jun nod.

Aiba held him tighter, as if Jun was fading away and he was preventing him from doing so.

"Y'know," Aiba whispered. "Just because you're not a kid anymore doesn't mean you can't have this kind of affection"

Jun was quiet, yet a little surprised that Aiba was telling him something he had always thought.

"Hugs like these, I mean, even if you're still an adult, it's not like these hugs become extinct…"

"And why is that?" Jun asked softly.

He felt Aiba pull him even closer,

"because sometimes… hugs say more than a thousand words. Hugs can say things that other people can't…"

"Like…?"

"Like," Aiba responded. "They say things like, everything will be okay, even if everything is bad now, everything will be okay. Every day is a new adventure, that adventure may not be happy, or pleasant…but everything will be fine in the end… you may feel you are stuck, unsure or confused, but if you push yourself onto your feet and face the sunset and believe in yourself… everything will turn out okay in the end.”

Jun believed him.


End file.
